stinker-blinker

Hi!
Thanks for taking care of my dog for me!

As a reward, I'll let you peruse my website at your leisure

Journal

4/22/24
I finally fixed the javascript on the index page to lead viewers onto the main page!
Hellooo all who made it here :)
Today I also edited some style on the homepage and subsequent pages. Enjoy!

4/30/24
I've been feeling really down and out about myself lately, but really I think the problem is that I think about myself too much when I should be out frollicking in the spring breeze and eating an orange. Curse everyone for making me get a full time job in order to live :(

5/3/24
This week has been extremely long and gruelling. I'm excited for my weekend so I can go out and enjoy the weather, catch up on laundry and housework, and get a few gifts for my friends/coworkers for graduation! As much as I hate work, I love spreading joy to people who deserve but don't expect it. It's a little bittersweet for me as well, it's hard not to compare myself to other students who are graduating and moving on to other states for grad school or jobs that pay them much more than I make while I'm still here (in Mississippi). And although I love libraries, I feel like I don't help my community all that much in my position at an academic library. It's strange reckoning with this feeling of being left behind by my peers who are "moving on to better things" when I've always been the person who moves faster than most people my age. I had a job before any of my friends, I've paid my own rent since I moved across the country alone at 18, I graduated a year early, I live with my partner, I pay car insurance and all that shit. But now that I've accomplished those things, I just feel stuck. When all the change was happening it was too much, but now it's not enough. I don't know how to find the right balance to be comfortable when I don't have the time/money/resources to move in the direction I want to go. And I know I need to stop griping because I'm 22 and have plenty of time to get my shit together, but the state of the world is kind of shit right now and I don't have as much hope as I used to of it getting any better.

Something that doesn't require money that I want to work on more the rest of this year (besides this site) is communication. I'm extremely nonconfrontational and keep to myself most of the time, but I find that community is fundamental to individual success and you can't build community without communication. I keep beating myself up over the facts that my health is declining because I can't call to make a dentist/doctor appointment and I haven't applied to grad school even though it's free for university employees because I can't force myself to ask for letters of recommendation. I also feel like most of the problems I have with my mental health or rifts in my relationships could be avoided if I just knew what to say and how to say it.

5/6/24
Well, my weekend flew by. I did go out and enjoy the weather a bit and went to get graduation gifts for my coworkers. I also had to attempt a major renovation of my closet because the flimsy free-standing rack I had finally broke under the weight of all my sweaters, rip. It'll likely be a lot longer than I expected for me to finish my style studio and clothes archive just because of the sheer amount of shit I have to wear/ take picures of and I have to learn the js to make it functional. Yay!

Disclaimer: I know very minimal amounts of HTML, CSS, and Javascript but this is my learning project!